You make your way through the enchanted Cave of Synonym for Wonders. Ancient gold treasures fill the underground chamber, but you know not to touch them. Their purpose is to trick the greedy and the stupid. It’s the lamp you’re after. You spot it. A gold lamp, the cherry on top of a gold coin […]
You clear your throat. You stand with your legs apart in a power pose. You sing and strum to those spiders like your life depends on it, because it literally does… ♫Fightin’ 5 to 1, we just want to go on livin’Barely singin’ now, scared of all your spider hissin’Could you let us free? It […]
You clear your throat. You stand with your lute in your hand and begin a soft plea to this audience of giant arachnids. ♫Are you eating us, spiders so fair?Wizard, thief, paladin, and rogue I beg you with this musical prayerAt the very least leave me alone♫ The spiders hiss loudly. They hate gentle, folksy music! […]
You clear your throat. You stand with your legs apart in a power pose. You sing and strum to those spiders like your life depends on it, because it literally does… ♫Some wizard once told meTo earn a couple gold pieceI should play for his adventuring friends He asked if I would join ‘emThey offered […]
You aren’t just a bard. You’re a noble bard, damn it! It’s time to show these spiders what you’re made of. You clench the neck of your lute in your sweaty grip and swing with all your might. The loud whoosh of your musical-instrument-turned-fierce-weapon reverberates throughout the forest… After a moment, the spiders appear to […]
You’re going to make like a tree and bolt like a coward.* After all, is this gig following around a bunch of soon-to-be-eaten adventurers worth dying for? You slowly back away into the darkness of the forest. Suddenly, you hit a wall of energy. It stops you from going any further backward. Whenever you touch […]
“Ahh, to hell with it,” you frown. “I’ll just skip lunch for one day. Seriously, what’s the worst that can happen?” As you walk away, stomach growling, the green-haired version of you fades and disappears. The purple mohawked version of you smiles, gives a big “thumbs up,” then falls backwards into a swirling portal. Birthday […]
“Nothing will stop me from using a birthday coupon,” you declare. “HOW ABOUT DEATH?” says purple mohawk you robotically, eyes shining bright red. Its jaw drops and a machine gun juts out. Ratta-tat-tat! You instinctively leap out of the way of the machine gunfire. The glass windows in front of Vinny’s breaks! There’s no way […]
“Screw this,” you frown. “The future of the world is at stake and my cholesterol is through the roof anyway. I’ll just go to ForeverSalads, even though I’m bored with their menu.” You walk past both the mohawked and fibre optic haired versions of you. A swirling portal opens up underneath them, swallowing them both. […]
“Nothing will stop me from enjoying a birthday coupon,” you declare. The clouds part and a ray of sunshine hits your face. “I love discounted sandwiches.” “THEN I WILL HAVE TO MURDER YOU IN A MORE DIRECT MANNER,” says purple mohawk you robotically, eyes shining bright red. Its jaw drops and a machine gun juts […]
