The pain is like a cloud fogging up the ol’ think hole, but you barely manage to psychically transmit your question. “How long… have you been… observing… human life?” you ask, immediately regretting the long question. “We’ve been aware of humans for about seven or eight thousand Earth years,” Sam/Phil transmits back. “But we really […]
“What’s your… species… called?” you psychically transmit. “You may call us: the Funkenheimers,” the alien replies, coldly. Did you exhale? Click here. Go back to the last page -or- back to the email to ask more questions.
It’s painful, but you manage to squeeze your brain and juice out a question for the alien. “Where is… your planet?” you ask between headaches. “About 4.2 light years that way,” Sam/Phil says, pointing to the right with its one big hand. “Deep purple. Sparkling rings. Toxic gas clouds. You can’t miss it. We get […]
“Have you… been to… parallel… dimensions?” you psychically transmit. The alien Sam/Phil nods and laughs. “All the time,” it explains. “Mostly as a joke. There’s one where The Incredible Ragoo has tentacles instead of spikes and it was like… Why? Why does this reality exist? I don’t know. Maybe you had to have been there.” […]
“What is… Intergalactic… Gladiators?” you psychically transmit. “Oh, you don’t know?” the alien Sam/Phil asks, taken aback. “No, of course. How could you? Well, I can’t explain who The Incredible Ragoo is entirely, but someday they will force us all to compete in a series of athletic and mental challenges to determine which lifeforms are […]
You close your eyes, scrunch up your face in pain, and transmit your thoughts to the alien via the mind uplink helmet. “What is… the meaning… of life?” you ask between headaches. “There is no greater purpose for either of our species beyond eating, reproducing, and not murdering one another,” Sam/Phil explains. “Until all intelligent […]
You grip your head in torment. The psychic vibrations are overloading your pitiful human mind. The alien Sam/Phil recognizes you can’t take much more. It blinks its three eyes in a rhythmic pattern and snaps the fingers on its big, bulbous hand. There’s a flash of white and a gentle hum. The alien has vanished […]
You go back inside your house and look in the hallway mirror. A bright purple stripe is running across your skull! Up close, you can see it’s a tiny flat tube with ooze pulsating through it. Your housemate, an older woman in an oversized “#MinionLife” t-shirt, asks what’s up with your tube. “Assuming it doesn’t […]
