When you completed a level one krav maga training course online, you knew this day would come. Your instructor said to only use these deadly moves in self-defense, and that’s exactly what you must do: defend yourself from disappointing an innocent child on Christmas by wasting all these other parents. As the doors open to […]
Your family comes to visit you on Christmas at the county jail. Since you’ve been in lock-up awaiting trial, you weren’t able to buy your kid the Sock Puppet. So, you surprise them with a handmade gift wrapped lovingly in toilet paper. “A toothbrush?” asks your kid, in the rudest way possible, after unwrapping it. […]
Published! You are now $8 wealthier. THE END
All babies now have cold tootsies. THE END
“Not now, I’m drunk,” Ernest ouijas. THE END
“Everyone harbors wolfsbanes,” you shrewdly anagram. THE END
“Cute maternity dress!” She smiles. THE END
You purchase her Pokemon card collection. THE END
You purchase her Air Jordans 1s. THE END
They’re surprisingly delicious. THE END
