You head toward the stairwell that leads to the second floor. Along the way, a Doberman Pincher with rage in its eyes runs at you, barking and baring its sharp teeth. You steady yourself, outstretch your hands, and steady your feet into battle stance. When the Doberman reaches you, there’s no hesitation in your movements. […]
A miserable-looking goon lifelessly holds a club in his meaty palms. He catches you coming, sighs, and lies down on the floor. Depressed Goon doesn’t have the energy to fight. And even if he did, what would be the point? You “beat up” 1 goon. Return to the email and beat up goons!
There’s a twitchy goon guarding one of the windows. Her head moves around like a hummingbird, first out the window, then straight ahead, then at a penny on the floor, then at a spec of dust glowing in the sunlight, then at a YouTube video on her phone about plant care, then at the sound […]
There’s a forklift just up ahead. That’d be a good place to take cover. You duck behind the massive machine, but the driver catches you. “Ayyy whatcha doing there buckerino,” the bug-eyed goon forklift driver asks you. Without hesitating, you jump up next to the driver’s seat and poke him in his giant eyeballs Three […]
A surly goon runs towards you with a machine gun wearing a suit and a scowl. “I hate these non-mobsters entering our mob-only factory,” the surly goon grumbles. “It makes me want to kill. Know what I mean? With bullets?” The surly goon opens fire! You duck behind a conveniently located shipping crate, but not […]
You get behind the stubby goon to give him a deadly neck pinch. Unfortunately, the stubby goon’s neck is basically nonexistent, so you can’t get a proper grip on it. The goon turns around and kicks you in the shin with a hard and shiny dress shoe. You limp backwards in pain. “Who the hell […]
You lunge at the gangly goon with an aerial punch to the face. The vape pen in his mouth goes flying, along with two teeth. You grab one of his wobbly arms and spin him around like a child who doesn’t know how to hula hoop properly. When the stubby goon runs towards you, that’s […]
The robot is going to reject your plea for Earth Beer. However, if you can guess its passcode, you can override its system protocols and command it to get you a 6-pack. It’s worth a shot. “Passcode override: 0000… uh, 0?” you tell the android. The android takes a moment to process what you told […]
The robot is going to reject your plea for Earth Beer. However, if you can guess its passcode, you can override its system protocols and command it to get you a 6-pack. It’s worth a shot. “Passcode override: 80085,” you tell the android. The android takes a moment to process what you told it. “Passcode […]
You fish something out of your pocket in front of the 7-Eleven-38W6D4-X. “Hold on,” you state, showing the robot your fake NAP ID. “I’ve got a very real NAP ID right here. See? Three-headed kitten hologram and everything. So, would you mind going in and buying Earth Beer for me? As the ID says, I’m […]
