You look around the second floor of the warehouse. There are boxes labeled “Robert E. Lee – Bronze Beards” and “Jefferson Davis – Shitty Goatees.” Jumping out from behind the boxes is a screaming goon carrying a knife! He races towards you, pointy end first!

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU SO GOOD THAT I GET A RAISE, A PROMOTION, AND A FLEXIBLE SCHEDULE SO I CAN SPEND MORE TIME ON MY TRUE PASSION, BECOMING A TOURNAMENT LEVEL MAGIC: THE GATHERING PLAYER,” the screaming goon shouts.

You duck down and trip the screaming goon. His knife goes flying over the railing, as does his body. He lands with a thud. Your heart weighs a bit with this killing. Did you do the right thing here? You didn’t have the heart to tell him Wizards of the Coast ended the Pro Magic Tour two weeks ago.

You beat up 1 goon and lose -1 health points.*

• If you are at 0 health points, click here.
• Otherwise, return to the email and beat up goons!

* * *

* Remember, the mind and body are connected. Negative thinking can lead to heart conditions.