You’re swept off your feet and fall head first into the spinning vortex! Intuitively, you know the fewer dumb school books you’ve read, the stronger the stupid portal becomes. You can imagine your English teacher Mrs. Pettysnicker laughing her ass off about this in the teacher’s lounge.

You fall through the cosmic book tunnel. Books fly around you, along with bookmarks, reading lights, “Books Are Actually Very Cool!” t-shirts, and a free Personal Pan Pizza from Pizza Hut as part of the Book It program. You grab a slice of ‘za as you fall. Hmm, maybe this reading stuff’s not so bad. Food is involved! As you go for your second slice, the tunnel ends…

You land hard on the forest floor. In the distance there’s a boy about your age, Billy. There’s a tear in his eye as he takes off his cap. It seems he’s visiting the graves of “Old Dan” and “Little Ann,” who you hope-slash-assume are his dogs.

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