You don’t even hesitate. Christmas is on the line. Christmas! How bad could the side effects be from one little sugar cookie? You bite into the sweet, moist treat. The crackles of sugar crystals explode in your mouth! Instantly, you feel a change. Your feet lift a foot off the ground. Your eyes twinkle and glow with the knowledge of thousands of Santas who came before you. You’re compelled to shout “HO HO HO” with a booming voice that rattles the foundation of the toy workshop. Your Santafication is complete! You have ALL the powers of Santa. (For now, at least).
Valencia looks at you with hope. Her plan is coming together! She says your sleigh is prepped and ready on the airstrip. When she leaves, you notice the pristine sleigh is next to the jet that brought you here. It’s unmanned, and by the way, you were a fighter pilot in the Air Force. In theory, you could hijack the jet and use your now fully realized Santa powers to do some rad shit. Valencia would be furious. The weight of the Christmas Industrial Complex may come down on you. But this could be your last chance to go buck wild with these wacky powers?