The automatic doors open. The crowd runs through the entrance. The clerk leaps out of the way in a panic, crashing into a four foot, light up Frosty the Snowman! 

You get jostled around by the crowd of disgruntled, sleep-deprived shoppers. Every step is a struggle as you battle just to remain upright. You funnel through the entrance, drowning in the Kmart crowd. You pass a Monster Energy drink cooler, the John Cena t-shirt display, and a tower of throw pillows with the word “Relax” written on them in glittery cursive – all the way to the toy aisle.

By the time you get to the toy aisle, the Sock Puppet is gone. The shelf is empty. However, you do spot a similar looking toy called Faux Account Fox nearby. It’s a stuffed fox that will spam your child’s friends timelines with posts about their Fortnight livestreams. Plus, it’s $35 cheaper than the Sock Puppet! Your dumb kid won’t be able to tell the difference.

Click here to see what happens on Christmas.

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