When you completed a level one krav maga training course online, you knew this day would come. Your instructor said to only use these deadly moves in self-defense, and that’s exactly what you must do: defend yourself from disappointing an innocent child on Christmas by wasting all these other parents.

As the doors open to Kmart, you unleash your inner dragon. Elbow strike! Knee strike! Hip toss! Face crunch! In moments, you make it to the front of the pack, leaving a pile of aching 40-something bodies in your wake.

When you walk through those doors, you sprint for the toy aisle – when all of a sudden, you find yourself captured in a black net by Kmart police. You attempt to bite through the net with your teeth, but this isn’t the kind of cheap cotton net they teach you to bite through in an online krav maga class. This net is unchewable Kevlar.

Click here to see what happens on Christmas.

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