You drive to the local Paradise Mart to purchase gasoline, a blowtorch, and a crowbar. When the clerk asks what it’s for, you tell him your kid’s science fair project. Then you wink, as if to say, “I’m actually going to blow up a fireworks factory!”

Step One: Pry open factory door’s padlock with crowbar. Step Two: Empty can of gasoline all over floor. Step Three: Light up the blowtorch for fun, fun, fun. As the factory burns, spreading to the nearby buildings, beautiful fireworks burst in the night sky! You watch from a nearby hill in your rental convertible. The soothing sounds of fireworks crackling, fire trucks wailing, and bystanders screaming lulls you to sleep.

THE END

Nah, not really. Continue…