The only question you can think to ask the alien is whether they have any Advil. Then you remember another important question between headaches…

“Are you… planning to… invade… Earth?” you psychically transmit.

“No, no, no,” Sam/Phil reassures. “Well, yes. Eventually. But your species will be long dead by then. We’re going to terraform it into a summer planet for holidays. Do you think your ‘cock-ah-roaches’ would mind if we generated a lot more toxic gas? We love those little cock-ah-roaches of yours.”

You can now ask the following:

• “Would you like to meet our leader?”

• “What do you want out of life, Sam/Phil?”

Did you exhale? Click here.

Go back to the email to ask more questions.