You’ve clearly annoyed your neighbor and that’s never a good idea. What if you get a cat someday and need her to make sure it doesn’t die when you finally take that sightseeing trip to Toledo you’ve been saving for? “Sorry to bother you. Forget it,” you say. She takes another puff, flicks what remains […]
“I know Bigfoot’s in there, Natalie,” you frown. “Tell him to get out here. Now.” “Is he…” Natalie looks like a deer in headlights. “No, why would… I mean, I’m not having sex with…” “I saw the appointment calendar on his desk. Tell him to get my goddamn tub fixed or I’m calling the city […]
Bigfoot was unable to fix the pipes himself. In fact, his hair kept clogging the drain and making things worse. So the cheapskate finally gave up and hired a plumber to snake it. Literally. The plumber was a medusa-like monster with snakes for hands. After using every bottle of Windex, every paper towel, and every […]
You enter the woods near your apartment with your megaphone. Time to make yourself heard loud and clear as you walk past the dark trees. “Hey hey! Glub glub! Bigfoot fix my goddamn tub!” you chant over and over again. In a clearing under the moonlight, a tall hairy figure growls at you. Is that […]
When you return to consciousness, you cannot move. Your whole body is in pain. Fluorescent light shines in your eyes. The harsh light is soon eclipsed by the face of a harried nurse. “I’m glad to see you’re awake,” the nurse smiles. “You were mauled by a bear. And boy, did it maul you up […]
How do you attract Bigfoot, a hairy male who makes easy money? You’ve got a solid hunch. At your laptop, you find a blurry “Bigfoot” photo on Google Image. Then you open it in Photoshop and add a blurry bow to the top of the head, blurry red lipstick, and two enormous blurry breasts. Though […]
You open the door to an impatient Bigfoot, who barges in and huffs impatiently. He stomps around the living room, the kitchenette, and the dining corner looking for his potential mate. “Oh, uh… you just missed her,” you lie. “But while I’ve got you here, my bathtub is full of shit–” Bigfoot freaks out! He […]
