Tag: Story037

Trick – 3 or More Dogs

You get a brilliant idea on how to outsmart the dognapping scum. “Unfortunately for you, I have a very particular set of hobbies,” you calmly tell the kidnappers over the phone. “One of them baking sourdough bread. The pandemic, am I right? But the other is dog training. You see, I trained my dog to […]

Trick – 1-2 Dogs

You get a brilliant idea on how to trick the dognapping scum. “I didn’t want it to come to this,” you bluff over the phone. “But I rigged my dog to explode. One push of a button and I’ll blow you both up.” “We ran a metal detector over your dog and it didn’t beep,” […]

Trick – 0 Dogs

You get a brilliant idea on how to trick the dognapping scum. “Please, mister, whatever you do,” you pretend to plead over the phone. “Don’t not give me back my dog right now for free.” “Wait,” the kidnapper thinks. “Is that a… double… negative or something? Why are you doubling your negatives?” “It isn’t not […]

Fear – 4 or More Dogs

You calmly, but firmly, address the dognapping scum over the phone. “Unfortunately for you, I have a very particular set of hobbies,” you tell them. “One of them is tracking my dog’s whereabouts via a location chip and a custom-rigged Garmin car GPS. The other is murdering people. See you in a few minutes, punks.” […]

Fear – 1-3 Dogs

You snarl into the receiver to intimidate the dognapping scum. “Did you know I’m a bounty hunter, dipshit?” you scream. “It’s huntering time!” “Oh, we know,” the kidnapper replies. “But you have 2 stars on Yelp, so we’ll take our chances. Come to the park or else.” “The poor reviews are because I don’t invoice […]

Fear – 0 Dogs

You growl into the receiver to intimidate the dognapping scum. “I don’t give money to dingleberries,” you scream. “Dingleberries like yourself!” “Dingleberries?” the kidnapper replies. “Are you in 6th grade? We could kill your dog right now. In fact, maybe we should, fartypants.” “Wait, don’t hurt Rottweiler! I’ll give you the $8,000.” “We only wanted […]