Tag: Story034

Santa is counting on you to get this right.

Maya gets the stickers! Some are unicorns and others are spaghetti. The theming is nonsense. She got the stickers even though she hit! Maya will hit even more. Maya grows up to be a championship MMA fighter, whose body is almost entirely broken by the time she’s 19. At 20, she’s elected Mayor of Las […]

Maya wanted stickers, but instead she gets coal. The coal has stickers on it. She tries to peel the stickers off, but she can’t. Maya finally understands the error of her ways and vows never to hit again. Maya grows up to become a Himalayan monk who practices a life of peace and silence, and […]

“Are you ready for your last gift?” Jasmine’s mother teases. “It’s from Santa!” Jasmine excitedly tears the bunsen beaker wrapping paper off the big box. It’s the Science… For Girls!? Laboratory Playset, exactly what she wanted! The kit comes with pink test tubes, a pink microscope, a set of pink rub-on tattoos of butterflies in […]

“Are you ready for your last gift?” Jasmine’s mother teases. “It’s from Santa!” Jasmine excitedly tears the bunsen beaker wrapping paper off the big box to reveal… a Coal Science Playset by the Smoggo Energy Corporation. The box includes pieces of coal, a lighter for burning it yourself, and a pamphlet on how coal is […]

Mason wakes up early on Christmas morning. He patiently waits for his stupid sleeping family to get up, so he can open his gifts. Mason tears the wrapping off a tall, thin box… “NINJAGOS!” Mason screams in sharp pitched delight. There’s a clearance sticker on the box, because the movie was a box office disappointment. […]

Mason wakes up early on Christmas morning and rushes to the present pile. Without waiting, he tears the wrapping off a tall, thin box he’s certain is filled with glorious Ninjagos. Instead, the blank cardboard box contains an unflattering sidewalk caricature of himself with ratty hair and smell lines. It’s labeled “Ma-Skunk.” Like Mason, but […]