“Nothing will stop me from enjoying a birthday coupon,” you declare. The clouds part and a ray of sunshine hits your face. “I love discounted sandwiches.” “THEN I WILL HAVE TO MURDER YOU IN A MORE DIRECT MANNER,” says purple mohawk you robotically, eyes shining bright red. Its jaw drops and a machine gun juts […]
You crack your knuckles, then grab the steering stick of your PT Starcruiser. Time to see if Spaceship Consumer’s “Best Spaceship for Light Grocery Runs” can handle rough terrain. A big asteroid barrels toward your ship’s windshield. It gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Your eyes narrow. With lightning fast up and forward motions – […]
You crack your knuckles, then grab the steering stick of your PT Starcruiser. Time to see if Spaceship Consumer’s “Best Starship for Light Grocery Runs” can handle rough terrain. A big asteroid barrels toward your ship’s windshield. It gets bigger, and bigger, and bigger. Your eyes narrow. With lightning fast up and forward motions, you […]
Wurble is one foot tall, and shaped like a person made of green slime. When he sleeps, his seat belt sinks inside his body. Wurble is the best goddamn napper in the galaxy. You poke Wurble with a metal rod. He slime body wiggles uncontrollably, waking him up. “Pffffft prprpr pththth!” Wurble says, then clears […]
You sigh to yourself, then dial Johnny Eyeballs on the vid phone. Johnny picks up, blinking more menacingly than ever! “Heyyyyy Johnny!” you say, smiling sheepishly. “Listen, I was just yanking the ol’ eye-chain before. I’ll definitely give you all the holo-diamonds I stole from you. In exchange, could you get me out of this […]
“Well,” the giant head snaps, impatiently. “I’m waiting for you to say something!” Ah, but you cannot, for you are about to sneeze. You thought you had a handle on it before, but this snotty bad boy is coming out and you’re sending it straight into Nodlin’s pulsating right eye! “Achoo,” you shout whilst pushing […]
You lift your powerful sword, and just as you leap gallantly into the air… “Achoo!” you blurt out as you sneeze. After all, “achoo” is a well-established sneeze word. Your sneeze causes you to involuntarily let go of your sword and smack head first into Nodlin’s brick-like forehead. You fall helplessly through the air, your […]
You lift your powerful sword, flexing your well-toned biceps as you do, and leap masterfully into the air! SPLAP! You shove your sword into Nodlin’s left eye. Blood spurts from the wound and Nodlin haphazardly floats around, bumping into the stone walls as he loses consciousness. “Remember me,” the sinister sorcerer pleads. “Remember how big […]
Nodlin’s head is really, really big. You know when you’ve met your match, so you kneel before Nodlin and lay down your sword before his mighty chin. “I came here in search of my king,” you cry, “but along the way, I found my new master.” “Rise, warrior,” Nodlin commands. You do as your told and […]
