You press the “%” pillar. After all, the word “parts” was used a bunch, and percentages are parts. The pillar sinks back into the ground. You wonder if there will be a gold crown in the treasure pile you’re about to win, and if so, will you need to get it fitted? “Your answer was… […]
You dramatically tap a few buttons on the right arm of your swivel chair. “Medical Officer Bennigans. Can you beam down into President Lightly’s office and offer up some quick plastic surgery? It’s really hard to look at a face with a corkscrew nose that’s spewing ink, y’know?” Science Officer Dubbledink casually whispers in your […]
You dramatically swivel your chair behind you to face Laser Cannon Operator Ripz. “Laser Cannon Operator Ripz,” you say, getting the attention of Laser Cannon Operator Ripz. “Do we still have deadly laser weapons on-board this ship designated for peaceful missions of diplomacy?” “Yesthhhhh captain,” hisses Ripz the snake mutant in a badass leather jacket. […]
You dramatically swivel your chair behind you to face Science Officer Dubbledink. “Hey, so…” you stammer. “You know how you gave me those super cool intelligence drugs that made me brilliant enough to beat that cyborg chess master a few weeks ago?” “Mmm hmm,” he responds, folding his muscular forearms in disgust. FYI: Dubbledink is […]
You dramatically swivel your chair to the left, where HP-8720 is stationed. The clunky, boxy robot is bleeping and bouncing around like an idiot. “Pull yourself together, HP-8720,” you command. The robot goes still in response. “I need a translation on that slime. Is President Lightly trying to say something to us by drooling in […]
You dramatically lean forward in your big swivel chair. The vomit collects in your throat as you stare directly into President Lightly’s pulsating orange eyes, the neon green veins on his forehead twisting and spewing fluid. “Mr. President,” you state. “Or is it Mrs. President? Madam President? Do you Baargellians have a binary gender construct? […]
You dramatically swivel your chair to the right, where Navigator Valezia is stationed. “Screw this. NAP can send some other suckers to this deadly sector. Navigator, take us out of here – warp speed,” you command. Navigator Valezia still has her face buried in her trash receptacle, vomiting profusely. She gives you the “one second” […]
Time travel is super fun, but it can’t solve every problem. On the other hand, magic can solve every problem. Scrooge will feel the spirit of the holidays when you zap it into him with your ghost magic. “HOLIDAY FORCE ACTIVATE,” you exclaim, hand outstretched to the heavens! You levitate off the ground. A circle […]
Time travel is super fun, but it can’t solve every problem. On the other hand, magic can solve every problem. Scrooge will feel the spirit of the holidays when you zap it into him with your ghost magic. “HOLIDAY FORCE ACTIVATE,” you exclaim, hand outstretched to the heavens! There’s a strong gust of wind. Mistletoe […]
Time travel is super fun, but it can’t solve every problem. On the other hand, magic can solve every problem. Scrooge will feel the spirit of the holidays when you zap it into him with your ghost magic. “HOLIDAY FORCE ACTIVATE,” you exclaim, hand outstretched to the heavens! A few green and red sparkles pop […]
