You make your way around the corner to the north. There’s an indentation in the wall, like the MANotaur punched it. You realize he must be one of those punch-a-wall-when-he’s-angry mythical beasts. You arrive at a crossroads, exactly like Britney. Which corner will you round, hero? Go west (to the left). Go east (to the […]
You arrive at a fork in the decrepit walkway. There are two curved stone paths. One leads north (to the left) and the other leads south (to the right). You have a feeling neither leads any place fun. Go north. Go south.
You continue down the stone hallway. In the distance, you hear the tortured braying of a manimal. That’s got to be a good sign, right? Go east.
“May I have a hint on solving the maze? Pretty please?” you beg. The Spartan soldier takes a flash out from his gold breastplate and offers you a swig. You take a sip – not a bad mead for prison – then hand it back. “Bottom’s up,” the Spartan soldier says as he takes a giant […]
The door behind you is locked shut. You are very, very stuck in here. When you look around, a decaying, gored corpse with flies around it catches your eye. Ho boy. Someone needs to clean up this here death maze. Next to the corpse, scratched into the wall with a knife, are directional arrows. It […]
You get a brilliant idea on how to outsmart the dognapping scum. “Unfortunately for you, I have a very particular set of hobbies,” you calmly tell the kidnappers over the phone. “One of them baking sourdough bread. The pandemic, am I right? But the other is dog training. You see, I trained my dog to […]
You get a brilliant idea on how to trick the dognapping scum. “I didn’t want it to come to this,” you bluff over the phone. “But I rigged my dog to explode. One push of a button and I’ll blow you both up.” “We ran a metal detector over your dog and it didn’t beep,” […]
You get a brilliant idea on how to trick the dognapping scum. “Please, mister, whatever you do,” you pretend to plead over the phone. “Don’t not give me back my dog right now for free.” “Wait,” the kidnapper thinks. “Is that a… double… negative or something? Why are you doubling your negatives?” “It isn’t not […]
You calmly, but firmly, address the dognapping scum over the phone. “Unfortunately for you, I have a very particular set of hobbies,” you tell them. “One of them is tracking my dog’s whereabouts via a location chip and a custom-rigged Garmin car GPS. The other is murdering people. See you in a few minutes, punks.” […]
You snarl into the receiver to intimidate the dognapping scum. “Did you know I’m a bounty hunter, dipshit?” you scream. “It’s huntering time!” “Oh, we know,” the kidnapper replies. “But you have 2 stars on Yelp, so we’ll take our chances. Come to the park or else.” “The poor reviews are because I don’t invoice […]
