You agree to install the system update. You also agree to a bunch of other pop-ups. Terms and conditions? Sure. Clear space? Okaaaay– wait, clear what exactly? A few clicks and the dialogue shows you what it wants to delete. No, you will not delete all your photos of life before The Great Uh-Oh. Painfully, […]
You agree to install the system update. You also agree to a bunch of other pop-ups. Terms and conditions? Sure. Clear space? Fine. Join the Apple Marauders? Whatever. The status bar crawls slowly and agonizingly. It takes 40 minutes, but amazingly, the phone finishes updating with a little battery to spare. A friendly screen encourages […]
You agree to install the system update. But first, the phone asks you to agree to a long page of terms and conditions. A cautious consumer, you slowly and carefully read the text. The legalese suggests that the new updates are meant to help you reconnect with what remains of humanity, but that if you […]
There’s only one thing you’ve wanted to do since The Great Uh-Oh began. There’s this game on your phone called Piggy Match. You match three pigs of the same color in the sty and they oink and run around and you get Mud Coins. Those Mud Coins can be used to “style your sty” or […]
You were far from home during The Great Uh-Oh. What happened to your family? It’s been weighing on you all these years. Hopefully now, you can find the answer. “mom?” you text. “are you there?” No response. Your phone creeps down to its final bar. Maybe this was a mistake. But then, the dots appear. […]
The warp opens up, dropping you in front of a giant, free-floating dialogue box: “Thanks for playing Barney Carnage II: Mortal Kombarney! Your 15 day free trial is up. I love you, you love me, when you pay the shareware fee. Seriously, I’m in tons of student debt and could really use the $5.” This […]
The warp opens up, dropping you into a comfortable bed in a pair of soft, matching pajamas. There’s a bar above you that reads “Restfulness.” Must be some kind of “sim” sleepytime. A nap would be great actually. You lie down on the pillow and your restfulness meter starts climbing. This is nice… Then you’re […]
The warp opens up, dropping you onto an enchanted forest. You walk around for a moment, enjoying the calm, until all of a sudden the whole world feels like it’s rapidly digitizing! Then everything goes back to normal, except there’s a “leafbad” in front of you. A leafbad is basically a pile of leaves with […]
The warp opens up, dropping you into a bright red top down convertible! You drive super fast along a twisting beach road. As you attempt a sharp turn at full speed – breaks are for chumps – a truck with the word ARCADECO on it pushes you off-road, where your car flips several times. It’s […]
The warp opens up, dropping you onto a pirate ship. Around the ship are goofy-looking pirates, in bright blue rags, waving their non-threatening wooden swords in the air. You touch a treasure chest on-board, but one of the British pirates says, “You need something to open that thar treasure. But what?” You touch it again. […]
