“Trick question,” you wryly smile. “Life doesn’t have any inherent meaning.” “NO, LIFE MUST HAVE PURPOSE,” the alien states, training its gun at your face. “OTHERWISE, WHAT WOULD BE THE PURPOSE IN SERVING DIZOR? IT GIVES ME NO PLEASURE TO SERVE HIM. IN FACT, IT GIVES ME GREAT ANXIETY SLITHERING AROUND ON THE HORRIBLE SUBSTANCE […]
“We live to enjoy the precious time we have in this universe,” you knowingly reply. “We live to eat, to laugh, to sing, to make love, and most of all, to help our fellow beings in their time of need. For there’s no sweeter pleasure in this life than giving back to others.” “YOU ARE […]
“We live to serve Dizor, the God-King,” you smartly state. Clearly, you’ve been paying attention to how much these dudes love Dizor. “DAMN RIGHT WE DO,” the alien states. “YOU SERVE DIZOR WELL BY DESTROYING AND ENSLAVING HUMANS ON THIS WARM, GROSS PLANET. YOU ARE CLEARLY INHUMAN AND MAY PASS.” You give the guard a […]
You point the pulverizer gun at the alien guard and press the trigger! Nothing happens again. You press the trigger a few more times, but there’s no result. “AS ONE OF US, YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T FIRE A PULVERIZER GUN ON YOUR OWN KIND,” the guard states. Your eyes widen in surprise. You shiver with […]
You safely board the hijacked spaceship, along with 300 other refugees from your area. There’s a free seat, so you buckle in. Soon you realize you’re sitting next to your old neighbor Alicia, the wellness blogger. One morning, you asked her to turn down the volume on her morning yoga video and she said she […]
You point the pulverizer gun at the sweet old woman across the street… and press the trigger! The power of the gun jerks you back. A wave of lightning-like energy zaps her into dust. It was either you or her, and you chose you. The guard couldn’t have been so dumb as to let you […]
“I would eat the slime,” you nervously lie, “but… I just had some. Like, a few minutes ago? So, I am full. Of slime. Which I love.” “OH, THAT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE,” the guard concurs. “ONE CAN ONLY EAT SO MUCH SLIME IN A DAY. BUT THE FACT THAT YOU DO EAT SLIME, WHICH YOU […]
You take the clear vial of orange goo from the alien guard. After twisting off the metal cap, you turn away from the alien, so you’re facing them in profile. Then you pour the slow, burbling liquid behind you, but keep your mouth open. This is a trick that wouldn’t fool a baby. “YOU MUST […]
You take the clear vial of orange goo from the alien guard. After twisting off the metal cap, you pour the slow, burbling liquid into your mouth. The slime sloshes around in your mouth, like a living creature, leaping down your throat on its own. It tastes… wonderful! It’s like the greatest fruit salad ever […]
“FINAL QUESTION,” the hideous alien inquires. “WHAT IS THE TRUE MEANING OF EXISTENCE? ALL OF US NOPELLIANS KNOW THE ANSWER DEFINITIVELY.” You try not to pause for too long, then give your best answer. Ho boy. “We live to serve Dizor, the God-King.” “We live to enjoy the precious time we have in this universe.” […]
