You clear your throat. You stand with your legs apart in a power pose. You sing and strum to those spiders like your life depends on it, because it literally does…

Fightin’ 5 to 1, we just want to go on livin’
Barely singin’ now, scared of all your spider hissin’
Could you let us free? It ain’t human eatin’ season
Or just eat one of us and we’ll call it even?

The spiders appear to like the tune, though you get the sense it would’ve gone over better had you stuck to the original lyrics. They abide by your request, eating only the wizard. Since the contract was in the inner pocket of his now digested robes, you are legally free to go.

Many years later, you invested your gold coins adapting this tale into an elaborate musical play entitled Spiders, Man! Turn Back You Dorks. The play bombed with critics, injured many of the performers, and ultimately made you a small fortune. 


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