You hold the key in your hand. It shines under the floodlights of Shecky’s car lot, as you walk toward the cursed Camaro.

You take a deep breath and confidently open the driver’s side door. As you sit inside, the car growls at you. When you start the ignition, the Camaro bursts forward, going from 0 to 60 mph in mere seconds! You grip the wheel and force the car onto the dilapidated road.

However, the Camaro is too strong for you. It takes control of the steering, too, and veers off into the woods. The car swerves past tree after tree, branches loudly smacking against the windshield. As soon as a sharp branch cracks through the windshield, you’re gonna experience a painfully pointed death.

All you can think is, if you’re gonna die horribly, you might as well put on some cool tunes. You turn on the radio and on comes “Cherry Pie” by Warrant. You start bobbing your head and mime guitar playing. The car grinds to a halt. The engine cries out in pain. The car door opens and you step outside, into the middle of the forest.

The Camaro slowly drives away from you, as if in pain. Tires deflated, headlights dim. Perhaps it never realized that humans could be so cruel, to create and enjoy a song as bad as “Cherry Pie” by Warrant…


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