You clear your throat. You stand with your legs apart in a power pose. You sing and strum to those spiders like your life depends on it, because it literally does…

Some wizard once told me
To earn a couple gold piece
I should play for his adventuring friends

He asked if I would join ‘em
They offered golden coins, son
So I went to the forest with them

Oh wow, you’re all spiders / and you’re real tall, my dudes
Oh wow, not a fighter / in a real brawl, I’m screwed

When you finish your song, the spiders stare at you in disbelief. They look at one another, then back at you, then at each other. This is how spiders… applaud!

The spiders loved your song. So they follow your instructions in later lines like, “let’s just cut my friends looooose / we will all come back with spider boooooze,” and you manage to save everyone in the adventuring party. 

“It appears we owe you a debt of gratitude,” the long-bearded wizard says to you. “As it so happens, my cousin is in the music business. I think I can get you signed.”

“Really?” you ask, barely holding in your excitement. “You can get me signed as the apprentice to a lute and harp manufacturer?”

“Consider it done,” the wizard says. Your lifelong dream has come true. You’re going from just playing the lute to someday owning your own lute shoppe.


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