The sparks cease and the screen goes completely dark. Your heart beats fast with anticipation as the rollercoaster you designed comes to life before your eyes in the form of a commercial…
A city skyline in the dead of night. There’s a superhero clad in all-black spandex leaping from rooftop to rooftop. The hero quickly stops. He senses trouble. That’s when pair of white gloved hands reach out to squeeze the hero’s sides, causing him to double over with laughter. He coughs up blood, convulses, then passes out. Those gloved hands belong to a creepy, bald old man with a twisted smile and a smiley-face tie. “Coochy-coochy coooo,” he smirks. On-screen logo: THE TICKLER.
Smash cut to a steel rollercoaster. The ride shifts quickly to the left and right. On the train, the riders are strapped into chairs that look like giant butts, squished between two flesh-like plastic sacks. Sounds of rider screams mix with fart sound effects and green gas clouds. “This is the only ride in the Tri-State area that makes it feel like you’re riding between the cheeks of a big ass,” a deep voice narrator states. “You like that, don’t you?”
A teen boy exits the coaster, where a newswoman is waiting for him. “So, what did you think?” she asks. The boy has a full gray beard and gives off a heavenly glow. It’s clear from his wise expression that the boy has seen the face of God. The coaster’s thrills and chills propelled him into a higher state of consciousness. He’s carrying two big stone tablets, one on each arm. Chiseled into the first one: “God Sez.” The second reads, “Coasters Rule!” The boy turns. The boy’s finger-wagging old mother and father enter the scene. “We told you this would happen!” mother scolds. “Now who’ll take over your father’s money-losing pig farm and/or my naughty needlepoint business?”
THE TICKLER: The Only Ride That Tickles Your Danger Bone
You take off your VR helmet. Magic Scream park executives have already greenlit your ride and that is because you are a genius.