The sparks cease and the screen goes completely dark. Your heart beats fast with anticipation as the rollercoaster you designed comes to life before your eyes in the form of a commercial…

A city skyline in the dead of night. There’s a superhero clad in all-black spandex leaping from rooftop to rooftop. The hero quickly stops. He senses trouble. That’s when pair of white gloved hands reach out to squeeze the hero’s sides, causing him to double over with laughter. He coughs up blood, convulses, then passes out. Those gloved hands belong to a creepy, bald old man with a twisted smile and a smiley-face tie. “Coochy-coochy coooo,” he smirks. On-screen logo: THE TICKLER.

Smash cut to a steel rollercoaster. The ride shifts quickly to the left and right. On the train, the riders are strapped into chairs that look like giant butts, squished between two flesh-like plastic sacks. Sounds of rider screams mix with fart sound effects and green gas clouds. “This is the only ride in the Tri-State area that makes it feel like you’re riding between the cheeks of a big ass,” a deep voice narrator states. “You like that, don’t you?”

A teen boy exits the coaster, where a newswoman is waiting for him. “So, what did you think?” she asks. The boy looks down sadly at the enormous wet spot on his crotch. Tears stream down his face as he takes out a pacifier and sucks it like the little baby he’s become. He looks up. The boy’s angry boss enters the scene. “You’re a disgrace to our industry,” the boss scolds, handing him a pink slip. “You’ll never work at another roach-infested orange julius stand at a recently condemned mall again!”

THE TICKLER: The Only Ride That Tickles Your Danger Bone

You take off your VR helmet. Magic Scream park executives have already greenlit your ride and that is because you are a genius.

THE END

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