The sparks cease and the screen goes completely dark. Your heart beats fast with anticipation as the rollercoaster you designed comes to life before your eyes in the form of a commercial…
Villagers in a tiny European town gather their torches and pitchforks. They use a battering ram to break down the wooden doors of a stone castle on a hill. They run into the castle, angrily shouting for blood, but they’re suddenly aghast. In the hallway is a tall, grotesque, ambling monster… wearing shades, jean shorts and a tie-dye t-shirt! The villagers run away as he pukes while throwing up devil horns. On-screen logo: PUKENSTEIN.
Smash cut to a steel rollercoaster. The ride shifts quickly to the left and right. On the train, the riders are strapped into chairs that look like giant butts, squished between two flesh-like plastic sacks. Sounds of rider screams mix with fart sound effects and green gas clouds. “This is the only ride in the Tri-State area that makes it feel like you’re riding between the cheeks of a big ass,” a deep voice narrator states. “You like that, don’t you?”
A teen boy exits the coaster, where a newswoman is waiting for him. “So, what did you think?” she asks. The boy has a full gray beard and gives off a heavenly glow. It’s clear from his wise expression that the boy has seen the face of God. The coaster’s thrills and chills propelled him into a higher state of consciousness. He’s carrying two big stone tablets, one on each arm. Chiseled into the first one: “God Sez.” The second reads, “Coasters Rule!” The boy turns. NBA all-star and underrated Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Mark Price enters the scene. He stares at the boy and says, “You could’ve been like me, Mark Price. Now you’ll never be like me, Mark Price. Signing off, this is Mark Price.”
PUKENSTEIN: Technically, This Ride is Pukenstein’s Monster
You take off your VR helmet. Magic Scream park executives have already greenlit your ride and that is because you are a genius.