The sparks cease and the screen goes completely dark. Your heart beats fast with anticipation as the rollercoaster you designed comes to life before your eyes in the form of a commercial…

Villagers in a tiny European town gather their torches and pitchforks. They use a battering ram to break down the wooden doors of a stone castle on a hill. They run into the castle, angrily shouting for blood, but they’re suddenly aghast. In the hallway is a tall, grotesque, ambling monster… wearing shades, jean shorts and a tie-dye t-shirt! The villagers run away as he pukes while throwing up devil horns. On-screen logo: PUKENSTEIN.

Smash cut to a steel rollercoaster. The train slowly makes its way up an incline, then races down the track at mind-numbing speeds! Without warning, the track transitions into a smooth fiberglass tube filled with rushing water. “Building a rollercoaster that turns into a waterslide was a logistical nightmare,” a deep voiced narrator states as the train splashes into a wave pool filled with loose coaster trains. “For riders, it’s a safety NIGHTMARE!”

A teen boy exits the coaster, where a newswoman is waiting for him. “So, what did you think?” she asks. The boy looks down sadly at the enormous wet spot on his crotch. Tears stream down his face as he takes out a pacifier and sucks it like the little baby he’s become. He looks up. NBA all-star and underrated Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Mark Price enters the scene. He stares at the boy and says, “You could’ve been like me, Mark Price. Now you’ll never be like me, Mark Price. Signing off, this is Mark Price.”

PUKENSTEIN: Technically, This Ride is Pukenstein’s Monster

You take off your VR helmet. Magic Scream park executives have already greenlit your ride and that is because you are a genius.

THE END