The sparks cease and the screen goes completely dark. Your heart beats fast with anticipation as the rollercoaster you designed comes to life before your eyes in the form of a commercial…

Villagers in a tiny European town gather their torches and pitchforks. They use a battering ram to break down the wooden doors of a stone castle on a hill. They run into the castle, angrily shouting for blood, but they’re suddenly aghast. In the hallway is a tall, grotesque, ambling monster… wearing shades, jean shorts and a tie-dye t-shirt! The villagers run away as he pukes while throwing up devil horns. On-screen logo: PUKENSTEIN.

Smash cut to a steel rollercoaster. The train blasts along the track, performing dives, corkscrews, and a seemingly interminable number of vertical loops. “It’s illegal to build seventeen 360 degree loops in a row. Almost everyone who rides it will die,” a deep voiced narrator states. “We won’t tell if you don’t.”

A teen boy exits the coaster, where a newswoman is waiting for him. “So, what did you think?” she asks. The boy looks down sadly at the enormous wet spot on his crotch. Tears stream down his face as he takes out a pacifier and sucks it like the little baby he’s become. He looks up. The boy’s finger-wagging old mother and father enter the scene. “We told you this would happen!” mother scolds. “Now who’ll take over your father’s money-losing pig farm and/or my naughty needlepoint business?”

PUKENSTEIN: Technically, This Ride is Pukenstein’s Monster

You take off your VR helmet. Magic Scream park executives have already greenlit your ride and that is because you are a genius.

THE END