The sparks cease and the screen goes completely dark. Your heart beats fast with anticipation as the rollercoaster you designed comes to life before your eyes in the form of a commercial…
Thunder cracks! A torrential downpour floods a highway traffic jam. There’s wind, rain, and lightning. A bored commuter sits in traffic in his Ford Pinto. Suddenly, the rain turns into… CG snakes! Snakes slither all over his windshield! They break through the glass with their fangs! The commuter screams in terror. On-screen logo: CYCLONE VIPER.
Smash cut to a steel rollercoaster. The ride shifts quickly to the left and right. On the train, the riders are strapped into chairs that look like giant butts, squished between two flesh-like plastic sacks. Sounds of rider screams mix with fart sound effects and green gas clouds. “This is the only ride in the Tri-State area that makes it feel like you’re riding between the cheeks of a big ass,” a deep voice narrator states. “You like that, don’t you?”
A teen boy exits the coaster, where a newswoman is waiting for him. “So, what did you think?” she asks. The boy has a full gray beard and gives off a heavenly glow. It’s clear from his wise expression that the boy has seen the face of God. The coaster’s thrills and chills propelled him into a higher state of consciousness. He’s carrying two big stone tablets, one on each arm. Chiseled into the first one: “God Sez.” The second reads, “Coasters Rule!” The boy turns. The boy’s finger-wagging old mother and father enter the scene. “We told you this would happen!” mother scolds. “Now who’ll take over your father’s money-losing pig farm and/or my naughty needlepoint business?”
CYCLONE VIPER: This Ride is Like Poison… for Your Body
You take off your VR helmet. Magic Scream park executives have already greenlit your ride and that is because you are a genius.