The sparks cease and the screen goes completely dark. Your heart beats fast with anticipation as the rollercoaster you designed comes to life before your eyes in the form of a commercial…

Thunder cracks! A torrential downpour floods a highway traffic jam. There’s wind, rain, and lightning. A bored commuter sits in traffic in his Ford Pinto. Suddenly, the rain turns into… CG snakes! Snakes slither all over his windshield! They break through the glass with their fangs! The commuter screams in terror. On-screen logo: CYCLONE VIPER.

Smash cut to a steel rollercoaster. The ride shifts quickly to the left and right. On the train, the riders are strapped into chairs that look like giant butts, squished between two flesh-like plastic sacks. Sounds of rider screams mix with fart sound effects and green gas clouds. “This is the only ride in the Tri-State area that makes it feel like you’re riding between the cheeks of a big ass,” a deep voice narrator states. “You like that, don’t you?”

A teen boy exits the coaster, where a newswoman is waiting for him. “So, what did you think?” she asks. The boy won’t stop screaming. At first, the newswoman smiles, thinking it’s a bit, but she frowns when he keeps going. Two huge dudes put the screaming boy in a straight jacket and throw him in a van marked “Looney Bin.” He peers out the back window bars. NBA all-star and underrated Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Mark Price enters the scene. He stares at the boy and says, “You could’ve been like me, Mark Price. Now you’ll never be like me, Mark Price. Signing off, this is Mark Price.”

CYCLONE VIPER: This Ride is Like Poison… for Your Body

You take off your VR helmet. Magic Scream park executives have already greenlit your ride and that is because you are a genius.

THE END