This is a restaurant where pizza is eaten. As a floating pizza, you know you’re not safe here.

You go for the handle on the glass door, but the teen blocks the handle with a takeout box.

“Nuh uh,” the teen taunts, filming you with his other hand. “I’m gonna make a ton of videos with you. We’re gonna be famous, go on Ellen together, and I’ll forever be known as the guy who hangs out with a floating pizza. My dad will finally say he’s proud of me. It’ll be the tits!”

That’s exactly what happens. You become a meme. You dab and floss with Ellen, as best you can. You’re a downloadable fighter in a Mortal Kombat game. The teen’s dad claims he was always proud of him, he just didn’t say it, which even you find suspect.

However, you’re kept in a cage in the teen’s bedroom, unable to roam free. Unable to see if there are other floating pizzas, like yourself…

Ah well. You’re a pizza with a four-figure book deal, so that’s something!


Or is it? Donate any amount to the Restaurant Workers’ Community Foundation, then click here to reverse the passage of time and taste delicious freedom.

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