You walk over to the balding police officer with a confident stride.

“I know who did a murder here!” you state, loudly.

“Oh really? You do? That would be super helpful to know,” he says.

Lana, Denise, Spike, and Tiki Dan all perk up.

“It was Tiki Steve!” you accuse. “As the bartender, he had access to Benny’s drink – and therefore was theoretically able to poison it. As a bitter divorcee, he was jealous that Benny remained on speaking terms with his high school ex-girlfriend.” 

“Is that true Tiki Steve?” asks the officer. “Did you make the murder?”

“No, I did not,” he tells the officer, before turning to you. “Please leave my establishment. We have a policy against falsely accusing me of murder.”

Sure enough, there was a sign above the bar to that effect. You settle your tab and leave. After all, you have better things to do. You just won South Carolina in the presidential primary, and your campaign staff is probably wondering where you are!


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