You dramatically swivel your chair behind you to face Laser Cannon Operator Ripz.

“Laser Cannon Operator Ripz,” you say, getting the attention of Laser Cannon Operator Ripz. “Do we still have deadly laser weapons on-board this ship designated for peaceful missions of diplomacy?”

“Yesthhhhh captain,” hisses Ripz the snake mutant in a badass leather jacket.

“Then let’s use those weapons to assassinate President Lightly… now!”

Ripz hits several buttons and tugs on a red pull cord attached to the ceiling. On the viewscreen, Lightly is about to press the “X” button when the screen goes blindingly bright. The comm-link connection is suddenly lost.

“That’ll teach President Lightly to threaten us,” you smile. “Fnip will never do that again, because my assassination attempt was incredibly successful!”

It was so successful, in fact, that the incident ends up embroiling all the NAP planets in a thousand year war against the Baargellians and their violent allies from the sector. Ironically, the “X” button was for medical assistance, as President Lightly was being poisoned by a political rival for supporting Aargel’s entrance into NAP. But good news! After a thousand years of pointless bloodshed, the NAP planets eventually win.

Hooray for war!


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