You dramatically swivel your chair to the right, where Navigator Valezia is stationed.

“Screw this. NAP can send some other suckers to this deadly sector. Navigator, take us out of here – warp speed,” you command.

Navigator Valezia still has her face buried in her trash receptacle, vomiting profusely. She gives you the “one second” hand gesture. On the viewscreen, President Lightly’s hand is getting awfully close to that big, scary button.

“We don’t have a second to waste!” you exclaim. “Assistant Navigator, take command of Valezia’s station and hit warp speed!”

Assistant Navigator Karbonara, Valezia’s best friend, is holding Valezia’s long sparkling hair back while she vomits. She shoots you an angry look, implying you’re asking too much of Valezia at a very stressful time.

President Lightly’s hand is on the “X” button and is about to push it. You leap off of your swivel chair and vault yourself an entire three feet ahead of you to push the “Warp” button. The ship blasts into space at phenomenal speed. You’re sent flying across the Hull Room. Your head hits a vending machine and you’re knocked out cold.

When you wake up in the Medical Room, the crew surrounds your infirmary bed. They applaud your bravery and quick thinking. Medical Officer Bennigans assures you the concussion you got is pretty mild. And sure, the Hiyabuddie crew didn’t succeed in their mission, but at least everyone gets to split the contents of Aargel’s gift basket. They give you a tiny jar of tasty moon jam.


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