Surely, this is all a dream. You briefly close your eyes and breathe deeply to slow your racing heart rate. It works. Thanks, meditation app! Next, you think splashing yourself with cold water will help. You turn the faucet. Nothing happens. You hop to the next sink and turn the faucet. Nothing. To see if the whole bathroom is broken, you put your hands under the automatic soap and paper towel dispensers. Nada. Zilcho.

The frustration causes your breathing to increase. As it does, the faucets run, the paper towels spool out, and the soap splats into the sink. You look at your Apple Watch while controlling your breathing as a test, but there’s no app for what you’re doing. You’ve mastered Santa Time Warping.

Just then, you see a psychic image of an adorable, though extremely worried elf in the bathroom mirror in front of you…

Talk to the psychic elf projection.

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