Back at the bar, you hear faint, animalistic grunting. No, it’s not the hotel’s thin walls. Something compels you to follow the sounds to the hotel parking lot. The snow is freezing and your feet quickly become numb, but you don’t care. You hear the noise up ahead, behind the frozen dumpster. When you turn the corner of the dumpster, a herd of gorgeous reindeer are lined up in front of you. They’re lit with twinkling lights, connected to a red and gold sleigh.

“Were you getting sloshed in there?” asks one of the reindeer, clomping impatiently. Instinctually, you know only you can understand them. “That’s what the squirrels said.”

In mere moments, you’ve mastered Santa Animal Communication. But before you can ask the squirrels why they’re total narcs, you see a psychic image of an adorable, though extremely worried elf…

Talk to the psychic elf projection.

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