This whole thing was a bad idea. You’ve read news stories about people being trampled to death on Black Friday. If you die, your kid is out a parent – and most importantly to them, a toy sock.

You decide to go home and buy a Sock Puppet on Cyber Monday. Pushing through the anxious crowd back to your car, you reason that anything can be bought online these days. As you think this, you point to your own head, reassuring yourself that you are very smart.

That night, you have the best sleep anyone has ever had.

On Cyber Monday, the makers of Sock Puppet release a statement to the general public. Demand for the stupid monkey was beyond their idiot expectations, and they won’t have anymore shitty whatevers until fucking February. FUCK!

The toy’s retail price is $124.99, but the lowest you see it go for on eBay is $2485. You resign yourself to burning the Christmas tree and saying Santa died in a freak explosion, until you see a “Buy It Now” auction for $300. The catch is that the Sock Puppet is “untested” and being sold “as-is.” How bad could it be? You snag it.

Click here to see what happens on Christmas.

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