“I like to watch blockbuster movies,” you reply. “I like superhero films that require you to watch dozens of other movies in order to understand them. Or action movies starring an old actor who should’ve retired years ago, slowly and painfully doing martial arts. Anything with the Minions in them. You know, the little guys who say ‘banana’ and you make Facebook memes about how the Earth is flat out of them–”

“YOU MUST BE HUMAN. WE ALSO CONSUME MOTION PICTURES, BUT WE ONLY WATCH MEANDERING CHARACTER STUDIES ABOUT FLAWED PROTAGONISTS STRUGGLING TO MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR SISTERS,” the alien coldly states before zapping you into a pile of debris. Good thing you weren’t enslaved by these pretentious film snobs!

THE END