When you return to consciousness, you cannot move. Your whole body is in pain. Fluorescent light shines in your eyes. The harsh light is soon eclipsed by the face of a harried nurse.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake,” the nurse smiles. “You were mauled by a bear. And boy, did it maul you up good!”

She holds up a hand mirror and sure enough, you’re covered head to toe in a full body cast. One of your legs is on a sling. It would be hilarious if you were Wile E. Coyote.

“A mysteriously hairy man left you at the hospital door. I didn’t catch his name, but in the shadows he grunted something about scaring away a bear, then having your pipes fixed,” the nurse explained.

Bigfoot saved your life. Noble creature, terrible landlord.

THE END