You get up from your poolside sofa to whistle the attendant over. He tells the pregnant mother “one moment,” then rushes to your side. After all, you’re in a cabana.

Today you’re going to help the family. You ask the attendant why he’s harassing your cousins. He gets nervous and apologizes, then asks why they’re not in your cabana. You explain that they are too fashionable and high class for this rickety old deathtrap, which you are slumming in. The attendant apologizes profusely and says he won’t bother them again. You insist they do bother them again, but with virgin pina coladas on your tab. After a few minutes, from a window in the cabana, you watch the family enjoy their mystery coladas.

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