“Laser Cannon Operator Ripz,” you say, pointing to Ripz, the Laser Cannon Operator. “Keep operating the Laser Cannon, Ripz.” 

The snake-headed mutant shakes his head at you.

“I can’t hit the Zibblins, captain. They’re not even thhhhhree dimensional. It’thhh unfair!” Ripz hisses.

“Well, keep firing until you do hit them!”

You sit in your captain’s chair as the shields go. The ship catches fire deck by deck. Eventually, your crew catch fire, too. But being captain is about making difficult decisions. It would’ve brought them so much shame to see you spew cosmic corn chowder everywhere. This was the best decision for everyone. You will die a non-vomiting space hero.


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