There’s only one thing you’ve wanted to do since The Great Uh-Oh began. There’s this game on your phone called Piggy Match. You match three pigs of the same color in the sty and they oink and run around and you get Mud Coins. Those Mud Coins can be used to “style your sty” or give your farmer a cooler pair of dirty overalls. Not making Mud Coins fast enough? You can buy Squeal Snacks, which can be exchanged at an unfavorable rate for Mud Coins!

ANYWAY. Now that the internet’s back, Piggy Match opens up again. The app verifies your identity and credit card and lets you play again. You take a seat on a charred garbage can to play a solid hour of Piggy Match before your phone permanently loses signal.

Ahhh, what a sweet dopamine rush. How you’ve missed this.

THE END