You arrive at home early Christmas morning. As you shed your hat and coat in the living room, your partner notes that you look very different from when you left a week ago. What’s with the long… fake white beard and the big… fake belly? You explain that the belly’s permanent, the beard is fashionable, and what you’re about to do is so real it’s surreal, so get the kids in here. And start recording. You show off your extraordinary set of powers. First you stop time and tie your kids’ shoelaces together, then you tell the family cat to meow the “Baby Shark” song, and finally you extend your hand to cover your partner’s entire face. You didn’t choose to display your powers in annoying ways, that was just nerves. But they’re all too impressed by the spectacle to care.

Your family is amazed and proud of you. They’d be even happier if Christmas wasn’t officially canceled, but it’s still an amazing display.

THE END