You safely board the hijacked spaceship, along with 300 other refugees from your area. The rebels are impressed you managed to get one of the Nopellian weapons. You say, “What, this old thing?” They laugh. You played it off very cool.

There’s a free seat, so you buckle in. Soon you realize you’re sitting next to your old neighbor Alicia, the wellness blogger. One morning, you asked her to turn down the volume on her morning yoga video and she said she would, but then played the video louder. Can you believe that?

This is going to be a long flight to… uh, Mars? You have no idea where this ship is headed, but at least you survived. You will live to see another day. But not on Earth, because that planet sucks now. Once tentacled aliens invade, party’s over.

THE END